The Bestest post most ever has hunting adventures.


I am writing this as a learning tool for people. The one thing I have always been first and foremost is a hunter. I have been a hunter of animals big and small meek and dangerous. I have been a hunter of Man as well.

I will explain how this came about. And I will hope that others can learn from my experiences and also learn from my mistakes and avoid the pain that occurred.

There will be many digressions as I write this and that's because every sidebar helps explain the over all situation.

**********************Situational Awareness***************************
Growing up. Well most kids learn how to throw a baseball ride bikes and play football. We grew up learning how to spot broken pieces of Cactus in the sand watching for rattlesnakes and listening for them as well. Cactus has this ability to migrate all over the place and as it gets older and dies it becomes the color of the dirt/sand making hard to see so you have to know the shapes and sizes and watch for it

Many kinds of Rattlers live in the desert the two most common are the Western Diamond back and the Mojave. The Mojave is pretty territorial and aggressive in protecting that territory. Also its rattle sounds like a gas leak hissing. It will chase you for about 50 feet. If you hear that sound turn around run like hell and stop if you don’t hear that sound anymore turn around and see if it is still chasing you.

There is some misunderstanding about baby rattlesnakes venom being more potent. What is actual is that the baby rattler does not have the venom control that mature rattlers do so instead of giving you a small amount they give you all the venom they have. This leaves them none to defend themselves with or catch food. They must develop more. Never got bit but I now many who have.

OK now on to the Fire Ants ,., these are not the little black fire ants that are in Texas or Louisiana no these are the freaking Godzilla of American fire ants. Look at the standard black carpenter ant. Now make it hot glowing coal red. Now give it the temper of a Marine who has been told that his coffee cup was just washed and the coffee pot is broke. So now you have this half inch long always pissed off Ant that will leave a half inch high- half inch in diameter blister on you. And he has friends and they are just as mad as he is.

Next we move on to Spiders
You have the Black widow and brown recluse. Not cool they like the dark and the shade.

Next Scorpions

The bigger they are the safer they are. The little clear bastards are deadly they kill people some they kill very quick others if they get to a hospital are going to be ok.


Javelina. These are not funny they are aggressive and the more young in the group the more they will go out of there way to hurt you. We had a rancher who lived close to us in fact his ranch bordered ours. Now his foreman RJ had a really goofy dog. And what I mean is that dog could not pay attention to anything. Seriously you could throw a ball and he would run halfway to it and then get distracted by something else and forget the ball. Well one day it decided to go after a Javelina to see what it was. It gored that poor dog wide open and killed it. I remember this very well . My sister and I told RJ. And he got very angry. RJ was in Vietnam in fact he did like three tours. And he mailed toy parts home. He took the ranch job to get away from people. When he was sober he was cool and fun and showed us many horse tricks.

When he was drunk he was the meanest thing on the planet. And this was a day that he was on a real binge. He shot up off of the bench next to the trough when we told him. It looked like he was going to kill me. Instead he went to the road where chess was lying on the ground and picked him up. And took him into the bunkhouse. He was in there awhile. When he came out he had two big boxes and he threw them into his jeep and after the Javalinas he went. We wanted to go with him but he said F*** no and threw a bottle at me. I don’t know what was in those boxes but as we went home we know when he found the javelinas because it sounded like he was taking Iwo Jima by himself. So we learned to watch out for the javelinas and drunk angry white people.

Gila Monsters. They live a long time move slow and are poisonous and protected by law. You have to be really stupid to get bit by one. I almost jumped on one when I was jumping into a ditch. I was more worried about what would happen to me if I had killed it.

Rabid Coyotes. Normal Coyotes left us alone. The rabid ones would not leave you alone so if you saw the coyote you avoided the coyote.

Those are the animals and breathing things to worry about. Next you had sandstorms and flash floods and very rarely you would encounter quicksand. In fact I only remember us finding one spot on the Caldwell ranch. And Bob had the state put up signs.

So from my time growing up in the deserts both high desert and low I learned Situational Awareness.

*************************PARADISE*******************************

Now onto the lands of Green and plenty. OMG so many fuzzy Furry and Tasty animals. And they are everywhere. I will not bore anyone with shooting. As they are stories a plenty about that.
So I will go straight to the adventures and mishaps.

OK onto the hunts. One thing I learned quick was that by adapting what I learned from the deserts to the woods was quite useful. And easier. The Hogs were bigger than javelinas and noisier too. No mountain lions to worry about or coyotes or fire ants or rattle snakes. Or cactus or quick sand. Bear are noisy. I don’t care what anyone says. If you can hear a squirrel in the woods in the leaves at 50 yards you can hear a bear. I can hear a deer at close to a hundred yard and smell it at about that distance too. Animals smell they don’t take baths and they smell. Use the nose and the ears, the eyes on your head are for making sure you rifle/pistol is loaded and on safe. And finding animals second.

Tracking is so much easier . The moist ground and the leaves really keep the tracks fresh longer and makes it easier to find where the animal is going.

Now to the adventures. Get ready to laugh. Warning super funny and Graphic depictions of stupid shit below.


OK I seem to have a gift on having bad interactions with animals. I remember my mom telling me that there was a special Kachina looking out for me. When I asked her which one she said the one that protects idiots and puppies. And if I piss it off I'm a goner in a second.

I also have a gift for Sneaking up on them. So you can tell where I'm going with this by now.
My and my friends hunt as much as when can and as often as we can. Now over the years my friends have dwindled down. Things happen and friends pass on. But here are some of the more memorable incidents.
**********************The quick draw**************************

. Growing up in the desert and dealing with snakes and such dad made us shoot. And to shoot fast because you may not get a chance to run away. And he showed us a trick about snakes and red hot barrels. So how do I apply that well when I go hunting I always carry a pistol. With the exception of bow hunting because I don’t want the game warden to get all pissy with me. And this practice of pistol carrying has been a boon and a bane.


Onto the story it was December and the early morning hunt window was closing and I picked the short stick to be on the deer drive. I would go into the woods and spook the deer into the field so Jim or Len or Lew could shoot one. Well I gave Jim my rifle and said hold this. And off to the woods I went. I'm making ruckus and drinking coffee and If any deer were in the area They were leaving. Or so I thought. I get to the edge of a brush filled draw and I got to pee really bad so I say hell with it this spots as good as any and I'm watering a tree while singing yellow rivers take me home. Just as I'm done I kick a rock into the brush and not 15 feet from me the brush explodes and brown blur is coming my way. I have one hand on willy and the other hand by instinct went straight for Molly my trusty 357 and before you know it 4 shots sounding as one shot a deer is dead. It went about 4 feet and died as it was coming towards me. I didn't even have time to process it as a deer. It was brown furry and charging me. I was in a very vulnerable spots and instinct happens. My friends never asked me to deer drive again.

*************************Things that don’t Mix****************************

*********************Fuzzy, Cute,Bets,Sneaking and Doctors.********************

We used to bet on who can get the closest to an animal without spooking it. This was great fun and each time we all got better. As we learned new methods and honed already existing methods. Flash forward I am in my twenties and taking a months leave I go hunting with my friends and damn it was fun.

We had finished hunting deer for the morning and it was around noon and we decided to find things to sneak up on,. Well Lew spotted a fox in the field and it was my turn to sneak. So I handed Lew my rifle. And I kept my shooting stick. And as I was about to start sneaking Jim is like uh your pistol too dude its not fox season and you have a habit of being quick draw McGraw. Shit .. So I forked over Molly and told him that she was my girl and to leave her in her holster. Off I go.

I sneak out of the woods moving when the leaves moved. Staying in the shade and shadows. When I get to the edge of the field I crouch really low and study the grass and hay/straw blend that was growing on the farm. It was a crunchy blend. So I took my Moccasins off yes that's what I hunt in. I have boots in my backpack but while on the hunt I want to be as quiet as possible the same with tracking.

I get about 10 feet into the field and I start gauging the wind its patterns and its duration and directions. And a consistent eye on the bedded down fox. When the crosswind would blow and rustle the near leaves and the far leaves and the standing hay and grass I would move. When it stopped I stopped. If it felt like the wind was coming from behind me and towards the fox I would lay prone. I moved on hands and knees. Low crouch, high crouch. I let the wind and noise determine what I should do.

Well I got really close to the fox and each time I manged to get closer I got bolder. Now the bet was always 50 dollars. And I had three people there so if I won this that's 150 dollars. I'm going to win this I told my self. So I made up my mind that I was going to poke this fox with my shooting stick. I got close enough to it to see the little scars from an old fight and the little whiskers and fuzzy tipped ears. I poked him with my shooting stick. And he did not run away. Instead he went all Bruce lee on me.

Foxes are not like dogs.

And this is what I mean they don’t latch on to you like a dog does they bite hard and fast run away and come back and repeat the process. Even when you are running away they still get you. My friends are no help and since me and the fox are ducking and dodging no one is even thinking of shooting. Well the fox finally decided that enough was enough just as I had Made it back to the wood-line. And all I was thinking was oh shit what have I done and Molly I will never leave you in the company of friends again. I got my money and stitches and rabies vaccination battery it wasn't too bad.


NEVER HUNT WITH A COWBOYS FAN ON THANKSGIVING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and before you start on me about the irony of this don’t.go there. Let the past be the past.

Here is why. As Len would be sure to tell when I say I am going hunting I may get a deer or I may not. When I say I am going to kill a Deer I am going to kill a deer and bring it back. There is a difference in what I am saying and some people just don’t equate what I am saying to what will happen. and Lew is that person.

He is also the biggest Cowboy fan in know going back to Fran Tarkenton. So thanksgiving day I decide that I am going to kill a Deer early and we will have a Deer roast with the Turkey at my shooting coaches house. Oh yeah . I told Len that I was going to go to His tree stand and kill a deer for turkey day he said go right ahead. I told Lew that I was going and he said cool I want to go to. I said awesome throw your stuff into the truck and he did and off we went.

Well I got my deer but it is bad day at black rock time. I was in the stand with Ava my trusty 7x57 civilian sporter Mauser serial number 3 when Bambi walks by. Blammo send a soft squishy lead pill to Bambi. Bambi don’t drop Instead Bambi runs into fast river, deep river and cold river.

I leave Ava in the treestand and halfway down the steps I jump I aint got time to waste my deer is trying to escape and for some reason I got a john Denver song stuck in my head. . So I jump in the river. That water is cold very cold. The outside temp isn't to bad its in the 40s the water felt like it was in the 40s too. I finally make it to my deer. I didn't bring my rope. Crap what do I got. Aha my belt and Ava's QD sling yaay I'm good I put these to get to make a rope for Bambi all is well. Swim to the edge of the river and get to the shallows and drag Bambi back upstream to the stand and Ava. I'm glad Molly is Stainless steel.


Crap the High Bank so with deer in tow I am looking at a 15 foot high muddy ass steep cliff/bank that I got to get up to get out of the river and to my pack and rifle. I need dry clothes hot soup and a fire and quick. Well it took me an hour to get the hell outta the river and up that bank. I had to pull Bambi up with me because the current was taking Bambi away every time I would drag him to the edge. Using roots and anger I made it up the cliff.

Temperature drop.

It was getting cold real fast I mean by the minute fast. From the time I made it out of the water to getting my dry clothes out of the pack and getting them on; the fur on Bambi froze. My skinning Knife got wet and froze in the leather scabbard which was full of water now ice. I needed my fire.

Thank the all maker for flares and magnesium and thermite and cad weld. A good mixture of this makes anything burn I grabbed everything that would burn and touched it off Dragging Bambi to the fire I proceeded to thaw out my wet gear and knives and Molly. I climbed up the steps of the stand and roped Ava down. Went back to the fire and proceeded to field dress my frozen deer. Its now 7pm dinner is at 9

I hurry as fast as I can. Blam record time Bambi is done. Now to the truck I go. First my pack my phone my radio call Lew. Lew don’t answer. WTF try again no answer. Then I remember Cowboys Game crap he went home to watch the game no problem I can put Bambi in the truck myself. So I start the mile drag back to the truck...
Fucc wheres my truck !!!

8pm I am standing where my truck was in total surprise and befuddlement. What the hell happened to my truck and where is it. Crap and damn and double damn. I find a note. I took your truck to watch the game will be back at halftime.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. My head felt like it was going to explode I remember my mom saying something about Cochise's Rage being uncontrolled when you let it be that way. At that Time I found out what she meant. I'm cold,I know how that turkey feels in the freezer section now. I got a 50 pound pack and a 170 pound deer to get home and a long way from home I am.. I got no sane way of a shortcut except across the river and down the railroad tracks.

So I ratchet up the adrenaline guzzle down the last of my hot soup eat the entire 5 oz jar of instant coffee with water. And tie the deer to my pack and strap said pack on. Off I go scouting the river for the easiest way across. Wow a sewage pipe I found my bridge yaay. But after looking at it not so yaay. Its 3 feet across and slippery from ice and water. So I make my way across very slowly. It took 20 minutes to get across the river via that frozen slippery pipe and a couple of times I almost went in.

To the tracks that was easy cool I'm booking it with gear on and coffee kicking in. Lew's house is on the way to my house so I head to Lew's not to chew him out but to get to my truck with its instant blasta nuclear grade heater. I make it to truck put deer and gear in truck. Lew comes out and says half time is in 5 minutes. And I'm like I gotta go I got to check this deer in and get ready for dinner. Ill talk to you about this later brother.

I get to the game check station and it has a closed sign AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGHHHHH..
So off to the sheriff department a deputy or the Sheriff can sign off on the tag....

850pm make it to the SD go in find deputy and tell him I got a deer in the back of the truck and I need to get my tag signed. Deputy comes out and looks at deer and says When did you shoot him I said around 5pm he says I don’t think you could of seen that it was a buck at that late an Hour.

I exploded I looked at him and said you see that rifle on the rack go look at it. I bought that from your Boss I paid 4000 for the rifle and my re enlistment money paid for that 5000 dollar Ziess scope I can read your newspaper from 300 yards away. So don’t make presumptions or I will just have your boss sign this tag when I sit at the dinner table with him tonight. I got this deer so I could surprise everyone with a deer roast on turkey day as well as the turkey.
You know what let me call him right now. I make my call on my phone so the deputy knows that I'm serious and not bullshitting him. I got the phone on speaker and the sheriffs brother Morris answers and I tell him to get Robert, well that opened the deputies eyes right up and I can begin to see the wheels turn and the gears move.

And the deputy seeing that I'm not kidding signs off on my tag and says I was just doing my job. And I calmed down and told him that all he had to do was sign the tag and not give me the third degree over when and where and what time. I said when I tell the Sheriff about today's disaster he will be sure to tell you all about it. If you want to go hunting with me later on this week or next let me know and we will go and you WILL get a deer.

***We did go later on in a couple of weeks and he did get a deer. He was happy.***

Now I gotta go I'm going to be late and the roast wont be done in time now. So off to home. Get changed into respectable clothes and off to the dinner, deer still in truck. I'm cold and I'm starting to get groggy coffee is wearing off. I make it to the dinner and thank heavens nobody is at the table. Everyone is like where have you been we were worried. And so I told them. It was a good dinner and I will never go hunting with Lew on thanksgiving day never ever ever ever again.

Taking a Cav Scout Hunting...Flash forward a couple of years...
I had a scout friend that never really had a chance to do any hunting anymore because he could not find and spots to hunt. So I told him lets take leave together and we can go to my hunting grounds and he said that was cool. So the next day we filled out our DA-31s and a week later we were hunting . He wanted everything he could get that was on his ticket and tags and we will do our damnedest. Started good we got deer,turkey,rabbit,bear and one bobcat. Next he wanted to wind it down with a casual squirrel rodeo I said that is an awesome idea as squirrels are yummy.

So a hunting we will go. Well what do you know he sees a squirrel run into one its nests and was getting ready to shoot it when I stopped him and explained that that was a bad idea to get into because other squirrels use the nest to and if you destroy the nest you could hurt the order of things. He understood or so I thought.

Down to the far wood line we go we got 5 or six squirrels and he blammos a nest. And it is not a squirrel that falls out of the nest but a big pissed off raccoon who just got dusted with number 7 shot. That Raccoon is going for William and I'm like I can let this go down this way so I step between the raccoon and Will and it bites me I let Molly have a word with the furry bastard and its over. I give Will the squirrels and I grab the lil bandit and off we go. While he was cleaning the squirrels I was off to the hospital for yet again another dose of those lovely shots. I don’t hunt with Cav Scouts now.

Squirrels and Bears. I don’t know what kind of mutual relations pact exists between these two but I can tell you that when you have only a single shot .22 and are cleaning squirrels near a creek if a bear shows up its best to leave the squirrels there and run.


The ascendancy of a hunter.

You will get to a point of proficiency on certain animals and it is no longer hunting it is killing. I reached that point with deer in 2002. When it became not a hunt but a hit. Len told me I stopped hunting when I stopped hunting and I thought on that and then asked him what he meant by that. And he said well you don’t come back empty handed anymore and you haven't for a while. You are treating every deer like a target and you are eliminating most of the Chances or Probabilities of not seeing a deer. In short you are assassinating them not hunting them. He went on to add what are you hunting with now an M-21 and an M40 that's not sporting that murder.

2003 rolls around and I became to busy hunting people that hunting animals was not even a thought on my mind.

2005 Mountain Lions and Two Dogs

2003-4-5 were the worst years of my life I lost much in those years and something my relatives said about two dogs fighting in your spirit stuck with me. I needed to take some time away from every thing and I got that time. I had 105 plus days of leave and I took it. I was sitting on the front porch of my aunts place at the T.O Rez sipping on Mescal and looking at they peyote cactus when had a clear moment of thought. Walk far walk long and get rid of one dog or the other . So I did. I went and grabbed my Aunts rifle It is a Ruger number 1 in 45-70 and I went hunting not any thing but the one thing that will make you think. It will get rid of one dog or the other or it will kill you in the process. Mountain lion the Biggest of the U.S tame-able kitty kats. I took no pack no nothing but that rifle and a skinning knife. And 6 rounds My aunt only had a box of 20 and we kept that hush hush. Rifles were being stolen in a spree that year.

Drank cactus water and ate what I could catch. I found a Cat and two weeks later it found me. It is one thing to be the hunter it is quiet another when a hunter who is easily your equal hunts you. And at that point only one of you is going to walk away. I had 5 rounds left and that was it. 5 chances on this cat and either I'm bringing a cat home or the cat is bringing me home. You are not going to outrun one. I got one knife and he has 20 knives. I'm here the cat isn't and only one dog left. And as my aunt asked which one. I told her I don’t know and she said you never will.

This year I plan to do a lot more hunting and I will make it a hunt. Not bringing Molly or anything even remotely like the old m21 or m40. I have a matched set of BLR's custom built from Belgium one is chambered in 22-250 the other is chambered for 7mm-08 those are I will use I will even take the red field LE-12 scopes off of them and use just the sights. I will carry a pistol but it will be for personal protection form two legged animals.
I will hunt every year from now on Bow season starts soon and I cant wait.


In the next write up I will tell you my friend Dwayne cost me a huge deer in the GW forest. And Why you never take your hand off of a nocked arrow...