Prepetorial #12: Pass Over
By John Galt
December 27, 2007
As the Wilson family approached the Alabama-Georgia border going east on I-20 they noticed a massive roadblock and detour. Karen said to her husband “honey, is that normal?” To which Frank replied “no, this is darned unusual, I don’t see any vehicles moving westbound on the interstate either. I wonder if there is another terrorist alert.” As they pulled off of the exit ramp for Highway 37 they noticed a military policeman waving them on through. This was a real pain to them as the U-Haul trailer they had with all their belongings made Frank nervous as he had never driven with one before and they were anxious to get to Georgia so he could start his new job. As the MP’s kept waving them on, they noticed a large field with cars and trucks all pulled over with dogs circling some vehicles and truck drivers being patted down. Then Frank suddenly found himself stopped in a long line of about thirty cars and trucks and got nervous. “You didn’t hear anything on the news did you Karen?” Frank asked nervously. “No” she said and I’m getting really freaked out. Just as Frank was thinking about making a u-turn and finding another way to Georgia, he saw the sign “TUNE TO 1610 KHZ ON YOUR A.M. RADIO FOR NEWS AND INSTRUCTIONS.”
Frank reached for the car radio and told his wife and kids to be quiet so he could hear what was going on. The radio began blaring instructions:
”WELCOME TO THE TRANS-STATE INSPECTION STATION ON I-20 EASTBOUND. ALL CITIZENS ARE ADVISED TO HAVE THEIR NATIONAL IDENTIFICATION CARD READY AND TO USE THAT LINE FOR THEIR VEHICLE TO EXPEDITE INSPECTIONS. IF YOU HAVE THE U.S.I.D. YOU MAY PROCEED TO THE LEFT INTO THE GREEN COLORED LANES FOR RAPID PROCESSING. IF YOU HAVE NOT OBTAINED THE U.S.I.D. YET AND WOULD LIKE TO, PLEASE STAY IN THE BLUE LANES AND FOLLOW THE SIGNS FOR PROCESSING. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE U.S.I.D. AT THIS TIME AND WISH TO APPLY AT A LATER DATE, PLEASE STAY IN THE RED LANE AND HAVE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATES, DRIVER’S LICENSE, AND SOCIAL SECURITY CARD AVAILABLE FOR THE FIRST AVAILABLE OFFICER.”
Frank looked over at Karen in horror wondering just what in the hell was going on. He listened intently but the message just kept repeating like one of those highway information stations. “Well, blue or red honey?” Frank uttered in total bewilderment. “I guess red, since we don’t have the kid’s birth certificates easy to get to yet and we’ll have to unpack everything” Karen said softly. And that was the longest line of them all of course, yet they waited, nervously watching their gas gauge as they had just over half a tank and a long way to go before they could buy more gas.
After two hours in line, it was finally their turn. They pulled the car up to the guard post and handed the Sergeant their driver’s licenses from Alabama. The National Guard had these posts well organized and after he walked inside the tent he emerged with a clipboard and said “please proceed to parking space 15 and when you have completed all six pages of this form honk your horn twice and only twice and one of my men will come out to finish the processing. Your licenses will be returned at that time.” Frank looked totally puzzled and said nervously “thank you” and then pulled the car forward looking for space number 15. After parking the vehicle, Karen said “what in the world is that book you have to fill out?” Frank looked a little pale and told her “it’s a 99-8074/AL Request for Interstate Access Form” and then sighed. As he started filling out the form and answering all the questions, he noticed on page five that the information got very personal since it required an inventory of all items in the vehicle and if the movement from one state to another was permanent. He completed the form without any comment while ignoring the whining of his kids then honked the horn twice.
Much to Frank’s surprise, the sergeant and three privates walked to his vehicle. “Frank Wilson, can you please exit the car along with your wife” he requested politely. Frank opened the door and told the kids to stay quiet while they processed these forms and promised them ice cream if they were good. “Sergeant, here are the forms completely filled out” Frank said proudly like he was doing a good deed. The sergeant handed the paperwork over to the accountant looking private who flipped to page five right away and then said “Sergeant, this is a request for a permanent move into Georgia with full inventory listed.” The sergeant rolled his eyes and said “get the dog team” and then turned to speak to the other two privates where Frank could not hear them. Frank said “uh, is there a problem sir?” The sergeant said gruffly “this is standard procedure now. You could have had these forms already filled out if you had contacted your local DHS office. This shouldn’t take more than four hours to complete.” Frank, completely annoyed and stunned now said “FOUR HOURS!?!? Just what in the world is going on, we’re not criminals or anything!” The sergeant said in a very pointed voice “two weeks ago the Transportation Act of 2012 was passed. Don’t you people ever read the paper? There were full page ads and television notices everywhere.” Frank looked back at him like a child that was yelled at “no sir, we don’t’ read the papers or watch television. I’m sorry if I annoyed you with that question.”
The dog team arrived and after Frank unlocked the trailer, every box of their belongings were put in stacks on the ground and given bar code stickers by the other two privates. The children were asked to leave the car and the dogs searched inside their first. The trunk was then opened and the dogs went nuts. “Sir, are you transporting explosives, ammunition or firearms?” the private said in a firm voice. “Yes sir, I’m moving to Georgia for my new job and I’m transporting my rifle legally in the truck, unloaded with the ammo in another bag” Frank said much more obediently. The private then advised “Sir, this is your receipt for your firearm and the inventory. If you disagree with the inventory, please sign the form at the bottom for the A.G. to process. The rifle could be returned to you within sixty days or you can turn the receipt into a DHS office for a compensation ticket. Firearm transport across state lines without pre-approval and a certified pass is strictly forbidden. Your weapon will be processed and returned if possible.” Frank looked at him like a deer in the headlights and just muttered “I can’t believe this is happening to me.” Then he was shocked as a female private approached and said “we’re taking the children to tent 9 for interviews. This is standard procedure and they will be back in twenty minutes. Please have your wife proceed to tent 5 and if you would follow Private Lewis to tent 21 for your interview.”
Frank opened the flap and there was a Captain who politely said “please sit down sir.” With that it seemed like he was being arrested. The Captain spoke firmly “sir, you realize that the questions I am about to ask are required by the United States Government and as part of the Domestic Terrorism and Transportation Act of 2012, your Miranda rights are automatically waived per the President of the United States.” With that the Captain went through the usual bio questions then started to strike nerves.
“What is the purpose of this move to Georgia?”
“Where in Georgia are you moving to?”
“Who is your new employer?”
“What is your salary or wage at this new job?”
“Do you realize your ESR is below the score allowed for an interstate move?”
That question stopped the process. Frank, already agitated spoke up, “Just what the heck is an ESR?”
The Captain snapped back, “Economic Sustainability Requirement; it’s the measure for the minimum income, education and viability for the zip code you are relocating to. Your score is a 920. The minimum there is a 1010. You are close enough under the waiver period to move there but I have to notify you at this time that your wife will have to return to the work force full time to meet the minimum requirements and you will be required to visit an economic and family counseling service for the first ninety days to accommodate and re-educate you for the city your are moving to. Do you understand the instructions that I have given you?”
Frank stared at him like he had seven eyes and replied “Yes sir, where do I sign?” The Captain pointed at seven blanks on the form each swearing to do X,Y, or Z and with that the female private handed him a “Relocation Instruction Manual” and ushered him back to his car. In the car his wife and children were all in there bawling away. “Honey as soon as they give me the clearance, we’ll go get some dinner. I know it’s late.” Frank said. His wife looked at him and cried “They asked if we molested our kids and beat them. What have we done to deserve this?” Frank knew this wasn’t the place and said “later honey, just hold it until we get to our new home.” As the privates finished reloading their belongings back into the trailer, they placed a special seal on the door and advised Frank that only the DHS officer in his new home town could open the seal once he was cleared to unpack. Frank was handed a stack of papers including a folded envelope with a large bar code with the word “PASS” stamped on it. “You may go now sir” the sergeant said and added “Have a nice evening Doctor Wilson, good luck at the new job in the hospital.”
Think it can’t happen here?
Think again.
